totally random

OK, I dont think there is anything better to look at than a baby smile. Benjamin just started smiling and even gives a mini giggle every now and then, and I am even more in love with him every second I am his mom. I really truly have to thank my children for helping me become the woman I was meant to be..... a mom. With that... I love my kids, and today my house is a mess, laundry STILL needs to be folded from yesterday, there are dishes in the sink from last night, and I really dont care. Today is about my kids, and I am going to be a mommy and play!!

Wow, did July just fly on by?

I guess I am a slacker. I never thought people cared enough about my blog to actually ask me to post something!! It has been a BUSY July, and frankly I am thrilled July is OVER!! Bring on August, bring on a new school year. Bring on a 2nd grader, a kindergartner and a pre schooler!! I have 3 kids in school, am I THAT OLD? yes! I turned 32 this month (GASP!) And my husband turnd 37 (DOUBLE GASP!) July was busy, but fun. I am just REALLY tired and would like a break please!! I had surgery this past week, got my baby factory shut down. I am out of business!It was really easy!! The recovery wasnt so bad, my belly button is sore, but thats all! I needed pain meds for one day afterwards. When I bend over, I feel some tenderness, but all in all, I feel good!! NO stitches, and no scar!
Jackson is feeling WAY better, and his blood counts havent changed, so that is a good thing. They are still elevated, but are not in a dangerous zone.
Jake is back in school, so the evenings are a bit chaotic trying to manage a house full of kids, make dinner, clean up dinner, bath time and bed time. He does help, but some nights its easier for me to do it, I am faster!! I had a fun birthday. We went to Lagoon the week before with the kids and had a HOT, yet fun time. Then ON my birthday we went to Tucano's brazillian grill and had yummy food. Amelie yelled at the people for banging their drums at me for my birthday "no no NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" The only loud noises she likes, are ones she makes!
Today, we blessed baby Benjamin. It was really nice. My family is just amazing, its as simple as that. I consider many of my friends my sisters, and I was blessed to have them there with me. Bethany, Barb and Janie are seriously my best friends!! I love that we all have A LOT OF KIDS< and chaos is normal!! Between the 4 of us.....15 kids!! makes for a LOUD, yet fun day!! I am just really blessed to have such great friends.... =) Friends are everything. They are there when you need them and they are there when you didnt know you needed them. This year has been a rough one and with out ALL of my friends, I seriously dont know how I would have made it. Old friends, new friends, all of my friends. I love love love you!! Chatting on line with a friend, a phone call, a email, a visit.... means so much. Since I moved away from most of my friends it has been hard. I have truly been blessed with real friends, and I will never take them for granted, ever.
The baby blessing was great. My husband has a tender heart and it was obvious he really loves his baby boy.Even though I TOLD him (ahem.. wrote down what I wanted him to say) He did a great job. Benjamin looked adorable in his blessing outfit. I spent many hours on line searching for a WHITE NEWSBOY CAP for this kid!! And I FOUND one on Etsy! He also had these totally adorable hand knitted booties that looked like oxfords!! My mother in law made this way cute romper for him, and my cousin made a blue blanky. It was a nice day =) "cafe costco" catered the party afterwards, so I didnt have too much to do!! The food was super yummy! And totally random... I love AGAVE syrup. Have you had that stuff? HOLY YUMMINESS ON FRUIT!! mmmmmmmmmm! To close off July.... I GOT BANGS! And I really like them. I trusted my hairstylist Jocelyn (she has never let me down) and let her hack away!! Lily said "you look like one of my baby sitters". I sat there quiet and said "you mean I look young?" She said "yes.... you look like you are 12." I dont know if Lily likes them or not. hahaha
I had my 6 week post partum check up and all is "OK" with my kidneys. One is still being a little stubborn and causing some infections, but hopefully in time it will get better. I have had a heart murmur for about 5 years now, and the docs have said it wasnt so bad. But when I was at the hospital this week, the doctor said "Wow, you have a LOUD murmur, you need to see a cardiologist". So I did. I had a Echo Cardio gram and they did find a pretty loud murmur. So now I am waiting to see what he wants to do. I guess the "fix" would be surgery, and a shunt. The idea of open heart surgery does not excite me, but if it will make me get my energy back, and cure the Anemia and low blood volume... do it!! I will find out tomorrow or tuesday what the doc has planned.... seriously, if its not one thing, it will surely be another!! BUT, I truly believe that in order to truly enjoy the GOOD in our lives, we need to accept the bad. In order to appreciate all of our blessings, we need to experience pain. I am scared about my health, but I trust in many things. I have trust in my doctors, trust in my family, trust in my friends, trust in myself, and trust in God. With all those things... nothing can go wrong =)

Benjamin's photo shoot

These pictures just make me SMILE!! I have not had the best week (understatement of the century) and looking at sweet pictures of my kids always makes me smile. Benjamin had his pictures taken last night and OH.MY.GOSH!! AMAZING!
















I also need to express my feelings about another little boy I just adore. My sweet Jackson. 2 days ago I decided that something was just not right with him and I took him to the doctor. They immediatly sent us to the hospital for some lab work. The results of this lab work was not pleasing. It showed very high white and red blood cells, and high platelets. What does this mean? Could be a few different things. A major infection in the body (what we are actually hoping for), Leukemia (makes me break down and cry just thinking about it being that) or Mono. Well the Mono test came back negative. His blood tests were then sent to a patholigist and oncologist and will be reviewed. Under initial review they both feel that Jackson needs his bone marrow tested. All I can do when I think about them drilling a hole in my sons hip is scream!!! THIS IS SO UNFAIR! No child should undergo such agony, and no parent should witness their child in so much pain. We are waiting to hear back from the doctor to see if they still feel this is needed. Another option is to wait a couple of weeks, and run a new panel and see if any changes happen. Jackson is amazing, I love this kid so much and as frustrating as he can be, he always has time to give you a hug. He is always so kind to everyone, and the first to offer to help when needed. His best friend has cerebral palsy and Jackson is so loving towards him and is always helping him at school and with his walker/chair. Instead of teasing his friend he thinks its the coolest thing "mommy 'K' has the coolest set of wheels ever!! How lucky is he!!"
I am feeling blessings and love all around me and know my family is being watched over. I know that everything happens for a reason, and things like this can only make you stronger. Just as I was feeling weak and tired, this situation gets put into my life. I am angry, and scared, but also feel that going through this will make me appreciate the people I love even more. And I will cherish every single second I have with my kids. They are truly a blessing and I feel like I am the luckiest mom in the world. Jackson just sat up on the couch and out of no where said "mommy, I sure do love you". I sure do love him.

Benjamin Dwight Stephens

Well I am late!! Things have been a little BUSY around here, but I do have some free time right now!! Benjamin was born on Monday, May 31 at 9:37 pm! He weighed 8lb 7 oz and was 21 1/2 inches long. Seems "Not so bad eh?"
Lets start from the beginning. I checked in to the hospital at 8 am. Got all hooked up, they started pitocin around 10:00 am, and my water broke at 12 noon. Easy right? WRONG. i got the epidural pretty quick this time around because the contractions were SOOOOO insane I couldnt see straight, literally. I got all dizzy and felt like I was totally tripping out!! The pain was THAT bad. Never in my experience with having babies, have I felt THAT pain before. It was SOOOO sharp and cruel!!
The epidural man came in and I fell in love with him. He just made everything awesome. I was dilated to a 3, and stood at a 3 for most of the day-seriously pissed me off. Then I finally got to a 4. And then creeped up to a 7, then to a 10!! So I went from a 4-10 in about 30 mins!! It was AWESOME!! But Benjamin just loves my uterus so much he stayed as high as he could go and would not drop down!! My doctor had me do some pushes, and nothing was happening. He told me to rest, and lay on my side and see if he would drop on his own. He did. And with my other kids I had the most gnarly chills, puked, became a literal devil woman and was a complete monster when I was in transition, this time... TOTALLY different. I just layed there and had fun!! My BFF Bethany came over to hang out with me and Jake and take some fun pictures. We just had so much fun!! The nurses, med student, my OB were in shock when they came in after seeing my "strip" and saw me laughing!! I was having some intense contractions but didnt feel anything!! AWESOME!
A few pushes later, I was told to STOP. Benjamin was sideways. He should have been face down shoulders across... but he was L-O-A, and had shoulder distocia. I totally spelled that wrong, sorry. He was STUCK, and he was pinching his cord with his shoulders every time I pushed. Not to mention, the cord was wrapped around his neck TWO times. The kid was trying to hang himself!! My doctor said "life here isnt that bad, what did you do that for!!" Again, making me laugh and trying to keep me calm. He didnt tell me the severity of it until AFTER he was born. But I knew something was wrong when I had a nurse literally lay on top of me PUSHING on my stomach in ways that shouldnt be legal. Benjamin popped out, and he was rushed off to the NICU nurses to be checked out since he wasnt crying and he was pretty much a smurf. After no more than 30 seconds, Benjamin SCREAMED and turned into "patrick star".
I then found out the damage that the delivery caused. OUCH. 4 tears, 14 stitches later... I think I held my pee in for the whole time I was in the hospital after the first time the nurse MADE me pee, in front of her none the less, and she heard me SCREAM like someone poured acid on my lady area.
It was a scary delivery but everything is great now, and Benjamin is doing awesome! he is the cutest thing ever! And I am IN LOVE!~! Life with 5 kids is pretty much insane, but so worth it. The kids LOVE him. Well, almost. Porter is not sure what to think, Lily and Jackson ADORE him, and Amelie loves to say "bee bee...ooooh oooh ahhhh" and give "love pats" which arent so loving.
I feel ok, still have some healing to do, but other than that, I am happy!! I have 5 amazing kids, and KNOW that I am truly blessed.

The SON will come out TOMORROW!!

Well tomorrow is baby day!! I am NUMBER 1 on the check in list at the hospital, so sometime in the morning, between 7 and 9 we will get the call to come in!! This pregnancy has been a rollercoaster, but I am soooooo blessed and I am excited to meet this little, I mean big guy tomorrow!! I love spending the first couple of hours after delivery just sitting in the bed with Jake and the baby staring at the baby. Comparing features, counting fingers and toes, snuggling, crying, eating my yummy post partum sandwich (after not eating for a day, ANYTHING is good!!) It truly shows me that there is a God. How can you look at a baby and not believe in a higher power? Where do you think this little baby came from? Yes, I created its body, but I had no power in creating its soul. I look at all my kids and just stand in awe at the miracles God has given me.
Benjamin, I am looking forward to seeing your cute chubby face tomorrow! I am praying that you will be healthy and have no major issues during labor and delivery. Please make it easy on me too!! I love you little man, and cant wait to meet you!!
Love, mommy!

I really do feel THIS big

Ok,well I know I am not THAT big, but MAN!! Its not easy carrying a baby over 8 lbs. Yesterday I was getting a pedicure and this cute little gal said "how many you got in there? Your tummy is moving so so much!" AHH I said "just one, a big one, a very big one". She laughed and said "go for da c-a-section, no damage your va-hoo-ha". I seriously almost peed my pants. Now Lily calls her private parts "va-hoo-ha". GREAT!

I am being induced on MONDAY!! SOOO excited. I am so happy that I was able to make it to 38 1/2 weeks and that the baby is HEALTHY and HUGE!! Nothing cuter than a baby with super chubs all over!! At first I was kind of bummed to have a baby on Memorial day, but now the more I think of it... it's pretty special. What a great way to remember those in my life who have passed on, by celebrating LIFE! I am REALLY looking forward to meeting my little "BIG BEN", I just want to hold him, kiss him and say THANKS for "everything"!! I do feel WAY better than I did before. Its amazing the BURST of energy you get one day, and then the CRASH you feel the next haha!
On another note... dont let ANYONE give you a "pregnancy shake". OH MY HOLY GROSSNESS. I will not name names, but man... I will never trust the food they give me ever again. After I drank half of this "shake" she told me what was in it. I literally started to cry. Castor oil, blue and black cohosh, red raspberry extract stuff, juice, ice, etc etc". Let's just say...it did NOTHING.... besides spending about 10 mins in the bathroom.....NOTHING. I will stick with pitocin and a crochet hook thing to induce me. HERBS=BAD!!

37 weeks and about to POP!

Well I am actually getting to the finish line of this pregnancy race and it feels good!! My body is tired, my emotions are running rampid, but I am so excited to hold this baby and just tell him how mad I am at him for making me feel like crap for 9 months! haha kidding! Its really gone by fast. I see my doctor again tomorrow for MORE TESTS, and then he will decide when to induce me, either NEXT week, or on June 5th! COMING UP!! The baby is measuring kind of BIG, so I am a little worried. But its ok, epidurals are great!!!

Jackson's birthday party!!

Ok, 2 words... IT ROCKED!! 30 friends, one HUGE bounce house, 1 fire truck, 3 very HOT, I mean great firefighters, a great cake and a VERY happy FIVE YEAR OLD!! What a great day!! The pictures will sum it up for you!! Happy Birthday Jackson, I love you!! It was GREAT to see some friendly faces from the old neighborhood... Ropers, Adamsons, and the Williams! Friends make me happy, and I have some pretty darn good friends!! We went out to eat with the Williams family after the party to YUMMY El Pollo Loco (if you havent been there, YUM!) I am lucky to live down the road from one in Lehi, and there are only TWO in the whole state of Utah!! I am still cleaning up from the party, my feet are super swollen, and I went to bed at 8 pm and woke up at 11 am this morning, I was pooped out!!! WHAT A GREAT DAY!!!

A day late, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

My first son Jackson turned 5 years old yesterday. Oh how I love this kid. He has had such a interesting and challenging 5 years, but I would not trade any of those days in. Jackson is the light of my life and makes me smile everyday. I love his crazy double cow lick that makes his hair look like he has devils horns when it grows too long. I love his raspy voice when he talks, I love how he willingly will hold my hand when we are in public, and has no problem giving me hugs and kisses, even in front of his friends!! Jackson is the sweetest boy I know, and I am truly blessed to be his mama. Ever since he was born we have had a close relationship. There is just something about a mom and her son. I cherish everyday I have had with him, and look forward to the many more I have with him. The day he was born was interesting. I was induced because the ultra sound showed that he weighed 10 pounds. And since my doctor LIKES me... he said "um, you want to have this baby tomorrow?" YES!!
I checked into the hospital, got all ready, watched some movies, got my epidural (um hello, I was not about to give birth to a 10 pound baby with out drugs!) And Jackson was born 5 hours later at 5:30 pm. From the moment he was born he had me wrapped around his finger. He came out, got placed on me, and grabbed my hand. Then he peed and pooped on me (thanks buddy) I was in shock looking at him, he was HUGE. 10 lbs, and 23 inches long. And he had TONS OF RED CURLY HAIR! He was the cutest baby boy I have ever seen. He had cheeks that just needed to be kissed, and fat dimply fingers that needed to be held. I love that kid, more than anything. And I thank heavenly father everyday for blessing me with such a loving son.
Jackson goes to a special pre school that helps with speech therapy. There are some kids who have other delays, and some who are physically challenged. Jackson is always the first to volunteer to help push a wheel chair, help a friend by getting his walker, or be a peer mentor during physical therapy. He is so sweet, and his teachers say the same thing. They have never had such a sweet and loving student who is accepting to EVERYONE. Instead of pointing out "that boy is in a wheel chair". he will say "how cool, he gets to drive everywhere!!" Or "wow, my friend at school has the coolest kicks (shoes) they help her stand up straight, and help her walk!! and she gets to use sticks (crutches) to help her walk, Im jealous!!" Most kids would ask "whats wrong with that kid". Not Jackson, he finds the good in everyone and in everything. I love him.
Happy birthday sweet Jackson, I truly adore you and I know life would not be the same with out your sweet spirit, adorable smile, and tender heart.

Porter...oh how I adore thee

Today Lily and Jackson were both back at school (HOOOORAY!!) So when Amelie was napping, I got to spend some time with my sweet "Po Po". We made cup cakes, sang songs, danced in the kitchen and laughed, A LOT! What warmed me the most was when out of the blue he runs up to me with the tightest of arms and whispers in my ear "Oh honey, I love you!" I love you too, honey!!!